I am finding it incredibly hard to think of what to write about - I am feeling better so have no horror stories of misery and depression to share - my mind seems to have seized up and refuses to allow me to access small baba stories and my day to day life is sooooo dull.
I can always fall back on that great British standby, the weather but feel that that would be cheating so fear not, there will be no eulogies for the sun and dappled shade of an unexpected spring.
This is a hard time of year - these weeks leading up to the anniversary of Mum's death each have a marker - last hug, last ride out in the car, last time we laughed; inexorably building to the day itself when it all floods back. This year I miss her more than before - I mind her not being here to talk to, to tell about things and to laugh with. The pain never goes away but it gradually eases to inconstant stabs of unexpected memory or loss.
I am thinking of giving up smoking!!! Shock horror! Had to light another one as soon as I wrote that but the desire is finally there - bored with the smell of tar and ash and would quite like to structure going out around the event and not the fag breaks. I'll keep you posted but don't hold your breath. I am also about to take up Pilates and Zumba and will need to breathe a little more easily. You see, I really am feeling better and starting to think there might be a future after all.
So there you are - updated. Light your candles that I might find my baba voice again soon and until then, wish me luck in the fight against the fags. And if you can, light a candle for Joy so she can see our light below her and know she is missed.
I can always fall back on that great British standby, the weather but feel that that would be cheating so fear not, there will be no eulogies for the sun and dappled shade of an unexpected spring.
This is a hard time of year - these weeks leading up to the anniversary of Mum's death each have a marker - last hug, last ride out in the car, last time we laughed; inexorably building to the day itself when it all floods back. This year I miss her more than before - I mind her not being here to talk to, to tell about things and to laugh with. The pain never goes away but it gradually eases to inconstant stabs of unexpected memory or loss.
I am thinking of giving up smoking!!! Shock horror! Had to light another one as soon as I wrote that but the desire is finally there - bored with the smell of tar and ash and would quite like to structure going out around the event and not the fag breaks. I'll keep you posted but don't hold your breath. I am also about to take up Pilates and Zumba and will need to breathe a little more easily. You see, I really am feeling better and starting to think there might be a future after all.
So there you are - updated. Light your candles that I might find my baba voice again soon and until then, wish me luck in the fight against the fags. And if you can, light a candle for Joy so she can see our light below her and know she is missed.
