A LIFE IN THE DAY

With apologies to the Sunday Times and all the hundreds of students I made write one as coursework.

My days normally start about half past seven. I am nearly always still tired but awake and cursing. Coffee and a fag and on to Farmville to harvest and manage my cartoon, escapist cyber world. My friend Annie will pop up for a chat and the grumps go because she always manages to make me laugh.

The day then stretches out in front of me; endless decisions, housework, a walk, go into town. Normal response is, nah. A DVD or back on here. Blogging has been a saviour. I love to write and this allows me complete freedom. In many ways it is better that CBT, which sort of worked. Oh yes, I have recurrent depression - that's why the day stretches out in front of me. I find by the second cup of coffee and the third fag I am about ready to try and make it through till bedtime.

On good days my lovely sister, Janie, comes to get me and we have a 'jolly'. M&S in Camberley or Winchester. I have no car at the moment and I know it's green but it is a pain in the arse! On medium days I go into Basingstoke with my neighbour Pete, who is partially sighted, although I have noticed that he never misses a good pair of legs. We wander round Sainsburys, I gaze longingly at Monsoon and then we come home. On the bad days I don't go anywhere. I don't get up. Depression is a bitch!

I'm really bad about eating, never remember to take anything out of the freezer so some days it's cheese and chocolate. No wonder I never lose weight. I do like to cook and like experimenting but I have to be in right frame of mind and most of the time I just want something that is easy and can be nuked. I do go downstairs to Pete every week and cook us both a fry up: sausages, tomatoes and fried bread. Hardly haute cuisine but we both enjoy it.

About two o'clock I get back on the Mac and check what everyone is doing, send Farmville gifts, yada yada yada. It is normally about then that I will start to process the blog. Depending what is in my head I will google, cut and paste and try and look up references or quotes. I love this part of it. It feels like proper work. I have always enjoyed research and now I can be as obscure or populist as I want. 

If we haven't been out together my sister will ring me or I'll ring her mid afternoon and I catch up on my nieces, Anna and Katie. Anna is married to Simon and they have the most beautiful little girl, Katy Joy. Just ten months. Love her to bits and then some. So any news of her is greatly appreciated and as my sister feels the same way much of the conversation is about crawling, walking and how lovely she is. My other niece Katie lives in Oxford and has just got engaged - also to a Simon. Something in the water I think. She is a joyous free spirit and always seems to be embarking on adventures. She's studying herbal medicine at the moment. Hope she comes up with a cure for insomnia.

Then it's Neighbours. I know, I know. It is so T S Eliot, "I will measure out my life in coffee spoons". But then so what, it's a life. This is always the tricky time - no farming left to do, bleak hour on TV unless you really want to know what a horrible state the world is in. Normally long hot bath, lots of bubbles and then, thank God, the day is almost over. I have one last flick over Facebook. Normally a goodnight chat to Annie and my friend Lisa which again improves my mood. Another friend Roshni might phone and we have lovely catty session about old friends. I told her I wanted to be Pollyanna again and she found a old second edition of the book and sent it to me. That is what makes me hang on and believe in humanity; my wonderful congregation of friends.

Just as I settle to a gory couple of hours with CSI my best friend Annabel might ring and I gladly throw Horatio aside to find out her day. She's super successful and works incredibly hard so I am always grateful when she finds the time for a chat. Likewise the other member of our triumvirate, Kathryn who is fiercely intelligent and challenging. We normally have a contest over University Challenge on a Monday night. I think I am ahead...

Then bed, book and the night. If I am lucky I will fall asleep quickly. Too many night however are spent lying in the dark wishing for oblivion. And, for the first person that says, do more, go out more, exercise more: walk a mile in my shoes and then make the helpful suggestions.

My last waking thought is always let tomorrow be better and let me be better.