Neighbours

The other day my sister, known far and wide for her sensitive outlook on mental illness, suggested that the best thing for me was to 'get a life and start meeting real people instead of all these strangers online'. I was taken aback slightly because I don't know any strangers online - only friends. I may not 'have a life' but my little cyber web of Farmville, Facebook and this blog work pretty well at keeping me interested in getting up each day.

I was horribly lonely, lost and forlorn - I had lost my home, my dignity and any sense of self worth. And then - thanks to my darling friend Peter I signed up for Facebook and Farmville. Instantly I had something to do - feed the cyber animals, plough the cyber fields and create a little, untouched world of prettiness and sunshine. I know it isn't real but it makes me feel good and God knows I needed that. Not all that long after I typed in a couple of names of old students and the best of all possible results. Turned out I might have stuck in a few kids' minds over the years and they didn't mind too much that their slightly mad old teacher had turned up and wanted to know what they were doing.

From that deadly message - you have no friends - to 254 of them it has been a roller coaster of self discovery and so much kindness and love.  The arrival of the friends of my youth - my roots, made me realise there had been a time when happiness was not only possible but actually enjoyed. Suddenly I had friends who remembered our shared heritage and growing up - not just the one but many. We had the great bear hunt which was fun if not entirely joyous in its outcome. And we talked - online, on the phone. We remembered and shared photos. It was and is great. And it is real.

The Allen boys turning up - Gregg's sweetness and Sandra's kindred spirit were the icing on the cake. Again - real.

These people are my neighbours in my world - I speak or type to most of them every single day and through them I have a sense of belonging that I haven't felt for years. I even feel that I am part of the community here in Basingstoke  - not easy because, despite working here and living just outside for the last thirty years, I have been in extreme denial about where I live - to the point of saying if asked, "Outside Newbury".

Last night there was a huge fire which Facebook and the running commentaries of some of my ex pupils made me feel was a local event  - we shared stories, what we could see, what we had found on YouTube until the early hours. I was part of wider community and it felt right.

Today, as we all know and remember, is sad day. It was also a day that defined a city differently for many of us - New York became the city of neighbours and friends who shared a common grief and proved the unbelievable strength of character and kindness that rise to the fore in a common crisis. We shared it here too - everyone has a story - one of my students had a cousin on one of the planes. My classes wanted to respond and we wrote letters to Mayor Giuliani and the firefighters. 9/11 made the world closer in many ways - made us all neighbours. That was unquestionably real life.

I suppose I wanted to say thank you but also to share with many of you memories of an awful day and to say I do remember and I am one of you in sharing that memory. That out of evil can come good - the good of ordinary people who can become extraordinary in moments of despair - that out of hatred can come love for your fellow man - because you have seen and understood his or her suffering, that out of an unreal world of cellphones and computers can come a powerful sense of belonging and identity. That we can all be, and mostly are, good neighbours. And that is 'real life'!