The Wheel Goes Round

I think I just same down to earth with a bump from the high delight of Canada. I've been good - went for a walk yesterday and today - failed to find any sort of endorphin rush - far from it - I simply ache in every joint. Having been bidden to my sisters for the family meal I endured and pulled crackers. There was the treat of the beloved Katy Joy who gurgled and giggled at me, and then I was told I could go home - so back I came.

I got a lovely coat from my sister and a packet of Guatemalan worry people from my niece  - to put under my pillow - have noticed that they already seem smaller and greyer. I think they are going to have find their only worry people with my problems being handed over every night!

In the end I came home and calmed down with a few scratches- first in a while, but I needed the release and the self loathing needed an avenue of expression. I wish - oh how I wish that all this would stop for my personal grey cloud had managed to engulf me despite the pills. I hate the pretence - the hiding of my arms for fear of upsetting others. This depression is a bugger and when it lands in is all encompassing and the only thing that shuts it off for a time is to double up the sleeping pills and knock myself out!

So I am sorry this is not more chirpy - but hey at least I am writing. More in the New Year if I make it that far. Let me leave you wtih a song - maybe dreary be eloquently says how I fee;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FY9uCg5W-dQ

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