It made think though - my proposals have not been numerous or indeed serious. One in the coffee shop at the Park Hotel in Calcutta left me giggling in disbelief, another was a Greek sailor on board a flight to Delhi who thought his mother would like me. And that, until today, was that. I have to wonder if I have missed out or if I have been lucky. Gail, from Canada, has been with Jesse for over thirty five years - they complete each other, are extensions of each other and I would be lying if I did not admit a degree of envy. Other friends are just 'married' - it doesn't seem so important and I don;t envy them.
So in my new, reflective and optimistic self I have to examine why. Negative Joanna would say it was because of being unattractive and undesirable. Positive Joanna has to accept that she has given very negative vibes to anyone who showed any sign of being in it for the long haul. I am alone because I chose that as my path. I really have no reason to be unhappy with my choice. But ... I do wonder.
I don't know - I think this is all brought into focus by the finding of another old flame who seems genuinely fond of me. God knows why. Still it was lovely to talk to him and to connect with somebody else across the years. But marriage to the blind neighbour - that would be a no!
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