It is that saddest of times and that happiest of times: to be child is to make this night almost unbearably slow with the certain knowledge that joy would follow in the morning. To be an adult alone it is almost unbearably sad to know that no joy comes in the morning -simply another day to be endured like so many others, only on this day there is premium for us lonely people to pay - we must smile and look like we are enjoying the season. I suppose faith might help but having little time for organised religion it looks a doubtful lifesaver.
Last year as many of you know I offended my sister with my 'humorous' remarks. I have seen her three times this year. She drives me mad but I miss her.
I have been fighting the demon voices this last week -the ones that say no-one will miss you, the world would be an easier place without you in it, you're a waste of space of oxygen of state money. And - it is all true. And it is all true except when I come to the blog and 16,000 of you have read it and that 16,000 people know I am alive and find some worth in what I write and so for tonight the angels win.
Depression is lonely, hard to explain and fight. Christmas is not a time to be depressed and it is harder to fight now that at any other time of the year. So I hope your Yuletide is happy and bright and that 2012 brings us all the hope and happiness we all deserve. "God bless us everyone" , as Tiny Tim would say.
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