Sorry this is going to be one of the depressing one. Haven't been able to sleep until last night when I took two extra pills and finally knocked myself out. Woke up and had no desire to get up and face the day -just seemed overpoweringly difficult.
When the depression is about to hit it circles above your head - rather like a migraine - you know it is coming but there is bugger all you do about it. So it had been with me for the last few weeks. Just waiting to the black dog to strike, the dark clouds to encompass me and they have.
In this phase there is little I can but try and ride it out. I have been for a walk but the anxiety means I walk with shaking legs, too fast and in hurry to regain the safety of the flat. Did go and see the doctor for my monthly chat took me three times of being sick and was the hardest fifty yards to the bus stop.
I wish I could say that this or that acts a catalyst; they don't. The darkness comes unbidden and unwelcome. Today I will stay in bed with the covers pulled over my head, I don't want to have to find 'bright and cheery' Joanna for she is just an act at times like these.
I'm blogging out of a desperate sense of fear and loneliness - at least if I reach some of you I have made a life affirming contact - I hope. My arms looks like train tracks - no real skin left to hurt. So the easiest thing to do is to roll up sausage like in the bed clothes and count the hours until sleep time.
Love and light to all of you and it you would wish the same thing back it might help.
xxx
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