Retail Therapy

Had a bit of a windfall with a tax rebate so went shopping yesterday to buy a dress for Katie's wedding - that is, assuming I am invited. I went to my favourite shop - Monsoon and had a lovely couple of hours trying on all kinds of dresses: some with ruffles that made me look like an elephant in a tutu, some so A lined that I looked like a giant triangle and finally the one - a simple shift with an appliqued peacock feather on the front.

Then the real fun began - jewellery and shoes. One pair was so high that I couldn't even balance with just the one on. Finally ended with turquoise silk sling backs - sooo pretty and the jewellery was all turquoise too. Here's hoping that these wedding pix turn out better than the ones of me at Anna's - I looked like mad Aunt Flossie with a phantom pregnancy.

It is strange how different the two girls are. Anna's wedding was a perfect June wedding - the sun shone, the road to the country church lined with sky reaching wild rhododendrons. We all went to a country house hotel, ate lovely food and inhaled the scent of roses and peonies. Anna looked so beautiful and so happy. It was a 'given' day.

Katie has chosen Oxford Registry Office with the reception at a village hall just outside of the city. There will be a pig roast and dancing and laughter. And it too will be a 'given' day. She will be so beautiful and I will probably cry again.

I haven't written much about the girls - not because I don't love them but because I do - so much that it hurts. Of recent years I have let them down - I am not Auntie Jona any more and they got to know me and my many flaws a little to well but, I would lay down my life for them - instantly, without a thought. I remember them as little girls who came with me and Mum on wondrous adventures in forests and woods and stone circles. I remember them as having to grow up too soon when their Daddy died when they were only 11 and 12. I wish it had been me and they could have kept him longer - I would gladly swap places with Mum so they still had her wisdom and her love. But they got stuck with me. Useless me.

If by some miracle they read this - I am sorry I am not a better person or a better aunt but I love you both so much. I can't promise to change - I think the fat lump of nothingness is pretty much it now - but I will try.

And yes - I know this is a public forum for this but the offending blog was public also - so better to make this public as well

Love you xxxx